Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
