i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
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She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
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Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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