have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
