I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
