i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
