All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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