I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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