What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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