as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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