Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize