U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
