her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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