I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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