Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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