About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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