Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
