I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
