He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
