i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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