I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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