I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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