Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize