Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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