Just fell off a train. Bad.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
