rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
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we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
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"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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