I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He felt like a one man threesome
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
