I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
