i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
