How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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