I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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