I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
