kristin has been a bad kristin
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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