oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
