Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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