Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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