Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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