Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
