Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
