I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
