I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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