My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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