Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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