he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
