Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
