The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
