someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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