Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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