I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
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I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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