erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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