I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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