And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime