There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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