maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize