Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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