We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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