My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
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