His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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