It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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