I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
